Sea-Floor Spreading Lament (folksong) by Brenna Lorenz
Refrain: Alas for the spreading of the ocean, Alas for the spreading of the sea, Alas for every year that passes by, Taking you two inches more from me!
Oh, why did you leave our native plate, Causing me to weep and to mourn? With the plates diverging at such a rate, To leave me alone and lorn?
If only the mantle would my counsel take, If the Earth would but listen unto me, I'd say, "Your convection cell remake, And bring my darling back to me!"
So dive you down, you ocean dark, Part of the mantle be- Fire you up, you island arc - Subduct my darling back to me!
Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!"
"Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead."
"No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette ... We must call a copper."
Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium.
"We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ...
Oh beautiful for blue of skies, Among thy spectral lines. When cast upon the waters clear, Thy splendid fire shines. Oh Cesium, Oh Cesium, Our days we trust to thee. Thy faultless rhyme, In keeping time, From care doth set us free.
CHEMISTRY RHYMES Old Man Stokes Old man Stokes was a gentleman fine Who lived beside the Raleigh line; Old anti-Stokes, his existance denied, Lived never-the-less on the other side.
