A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"
Two advertising execs were having lunch and talking. The young trainee said to the older, wiser man, "Where has Charlie Harris been hanging out ? I haven't seen him for a while."
The Senior Exec replied "Haven't you heard ? Charlie went to that great agency in the sky."
"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right ? What did he have?"
"Oh, nothing much," replied the elder exec, "A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but nothing much worth going after."
A keen Texas lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. The store was the biggest in the world and sold everything under the sun.
"Have you ever been a salesman before?" the boss asked during his interview.
"Yes, I was a salesman in Texas," the lad answered.
The boss took an immediate liking to him and told him he could start the next day. "I'll come and see how you made out after we close up," the boss said.
The day was long and hard for the young man, but finally it was 5 o'clock. The boss closed up the store and found the lad sitting, slumped and exhausted, in a chair. "How many sales did you make today?" the boss asked.
"One," said the lad.
"One?" said the boss, obviously displeased. "Most of the sales people on my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"Exactly $101,334.53," said the young man.
"How did you manage that?" asked the boss, flabbergasted.
"Well," said the lad, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one, and huge one. I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said he was going down the coast. I said he'd probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that fancy 22-foot Chris Craft with twin engines. Then he said his Honda Civic probably wouldn't be able to handle the load, so I took him to the vehicle department and sold him a new GMC 1-ton pickup truck."
"You sold all that to guy who came in for a fish hook?" the boss asked in astonishment.
"He didn't come in to buy a fish hook," the Texas boy explained. "He came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot. You might as well go fishing.' "
One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. "Watch this," he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. "May I help you, sir?"
The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn."
So the supervisor said, "Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag."
"Why is that?"
"The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.
"Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder." "Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with that?"
"Rake? What do I need that for?"
"Well sir," said the supervisor authoritatively, "if you don't rake up the old dead grass before you spread the fertiliser, it won't all reach the soil."
"All right then. I'll get the stiff rake."
"Very good sir. And would you like the fixed sprinkler or the oscillating sprinkler with that?"
The man started to get a bit steamed and asked harshly, "Sprinkler? Look, I just came in here for some fertiliser. What do I need a sprinkler for?" Calmly, the supervisor responded, "Well sir, if you water your lawn immediately after fertilising, the fertiliser will sink into the soil more quickly and in no time at all, you'll have the greenest lawn in your neighbourhood."
This sounded pretty good to the man so he picked up the fixed sprinkler. "OK, then. I'll take all this."
"Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that," asked the supervisor.
Now the customer had about had it and he all but blew up at the supervisor. "LAWNMOWER? Look, all I wanted when I came here was a bag of fertiliser. You've already managed to sell me a rake and a sprinkler besides. Give me one good reason why I should get a lawnmower, too!"
Calm as ever, the supervisor said, "Well sir, if you get a lawnmower now, then you'll be all ready to start trimming your beautiful green grass the minute it starts getting too long. Your lawn will look like a golf course and you'll be the envy of all your neighbours! Besides, they are on sale this week only, and you're going to need it either way."
Well, the man figured that sounded OK and he really wanted to get out of there before he bought anything else so at last he relented. "Fine. I'll get the electric mower, but that's it!"
"Very good sir. I'll ring that up for you."
After the man had left the store with all his new purchases, the supervisor turned to the trainee and said, "So, do you think you could do that?" The trainee said that he thought he could and the supervisor directed him towards another customer.
The trainee approached the puzzled-looking man and asked, "May I help you sir?"
The man replied, "Yes. I need some tampons for my wife." Well, the trainee is totally thrown off by this request. He can't imagine what he could offer the man to go along with that. However, he wanted to impress his boss so he thought hard. Suddenly, he had it! "Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that?"
"Mower? What the hell is wrong with you? I came in here looking for tampons. Why the hell should I get a lawnmower, too?"
"Well sir," the trainee answered, "I figure your weekend is shot, so you might as well cut the grass."
