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| Posted by Lisa M. Allen on 14-Aug-2005 | Gyn.One woman says to another: "I can't understand why you haven't gone to see that new gynecologist yet! I mean he's so young and handsome! And your gynecologist is so old!"
The other woman replies with a smile: "Yeah, I know. His hands shake *all* the time!"
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| Posted by jake3_14 on 14-Aug-2005 | ViagraWhat do you get when you cross Viagra with Rogaine?
Don King.
Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities, the first shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport, but was hijacked on the way to the pharmacy distribution warehouse. Scotland Yard has warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.
If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?
Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO."
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():Medical Jokes (1211): The Top 15 Things Overheard at Medieval Medical School |
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| Posted by Ktkat Yong on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Things Overheard at Medieval Medical School15> "Today class, let's open our convicted criminals to rib two."
14> "Don't bite it! You need to swallow it alive for it to work!"
13> "They should translate these obscure medical terms into something easy, like Latin."
12> "It may seem like pointless superstition to you youngsters, but I haven't washed these hands since my first delivery 37 years ago."
11> "What do you mean we're out of wild boar snout?!?"
10> "Headache? Take two spotted salamanders and call me in the morning."
9> "Arthur, Schmarthur. What kind of insurance dost thou have?"
8> "Verily, it would seem our instructor Master Bush knoweth not the name of *any* disease!"
7> "Goodwoman Thurmond, to you a son is born. 'Strom' shall he be called."
6> "Put down that dwarf and hand me the pliers!"
5> "Now, remove the speculum from the fire and insert it thusly..."
4> "No, no, push that yellow stuff back in. That's pus from the *good* fairy!"
3> "Good knight, thy speed at treating boils is unsurpassed in all the kingdom! Thou shalt be called 'Sir Lance-a-lot'."
2> "Come now Hypoglycies, how can too much sugar possibly be bad for you?"
1> "Gesundheit! Now be sure to wipe that off his liver."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by steven d. schnuelle on 14-Aug-2005 | Gingko Viagra IIFrom time to time we get tips about companies that are on the verge of releasing some product that might make them a good buying opportunity. Nothing illegal... just "being neighborly".
Yesterday, I heard from a drug rep for Glaxo who told me that they are on the verge of launching a new herbal remedy that they think will take the market by storm. This drug sounds so promising that I want to suggest to my friends that they consider buying stock in the company.
The drug is called Gingko Viagra II, and its function is to help you remember what the fuck you are doing.
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| Posted by North American on 14-Aug-2005 | OrganA prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant. The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"
The doctor replied "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"
The patient's friend replied "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"
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| Posted by Robetta Zuck on 14-Aug-2005 | Quick, call the VetOld man Frank goes and gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A few days later, the banker comes along and asks, "How's our bull doing?"
Frank says, "Our bull ain't doing too good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he don't want nothing to do with them."
The banker says, "You better call the veterinarian."
A couple of days later, the banker comes along again and says, "How's our bull doing now?"
Frank says, "Plenty darn good. He has done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence, and is working on the neighbors' cows."
The banker says, "Wow! What did the Vet give him?"
Frank says, "He gave him some pills."
The banker says, "What kind of pills?"
Frank says, "I don't know, but they tasted sort of like peppermint."
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| Posted by Me Mo on 14-Aug-2005 | Ten signs you've joined a cheap HMO#10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.
#9. Directions to your doctor's office include, 'take a left when you enter the trailer park.'
#8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
#7. The only proctologist in the plan is 'Gus' from Roto-Rooter.
#6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is 'an apple a day.'
#5. Your 'primary care physician' is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
#4. 'The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges' is not a typo.
#3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming fluid.
#2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little 'm's on them.
#1. You ask for Viagra; you get a popsicle stick and duct tape.
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| Posted by Keith Mc Laughlin on 14-Aug-2005 | How to Tell if Your Viagra is Working - At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats.
- Your face is very pale due to lack of blood.
- When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin to call you "the tripod."
- You begin to think your mother in law is pretty.
- Sunbathing nude outside standing: Birds perch on it.
- Sunbathing nude outside lying down: You look like a sundial.
- Everyone at the bank, grocery, etc... lets you go to the front of the line...
- Compared to you, Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar.
- You always lose limbo contests.
- Lewinsky wants you to be president someday.
- You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick.
- You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan.
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| Posted by Danny M. Spazman on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Signs You Need a New HMO10. When you visit, they sing, "We're in the money, we're in the money..."
9. They have one hypodermic for each patient...and use it every year.
8. The x-ray machine is an intern with a flashlight.
7. No-one speaks English.
6. The date on the medicine bottle does not exist...it was printed before the "new" laws took effect.
5. They take your temperature and ask you drop your pants first...
4. You have a severe coronary, and they give you an appointment in two weeks.
3. The podiatrist is the same guy who loaded your bags at the airport.
2. The diplomas on the wall are all from a local high school and include a 7th grade science project award.
1. Patients check in, but you have not seen anyone leave...
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| Posted by Martin Lynch on 14-Aug-2005 | Lose A What?A woman was not feeling well, so she visited her doctor. The good doctor, after giving her a thorough examination, said grimly, "Mrs Goode, I am sorry to have to say this, but if you want to get well again you would have to lose a foot."
"What!?! You mean my foot has to be amputated?"
"Oh, no, no..."replied the good doctor, "I mean you have to lose 12 inches from around your waistline!"
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