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| Posted by Gretchen Ross on 11-Aug-2005 | A man walks into a barA man walks into a bar with an alligator. ''Do you serve lawyers in here?'', the man inquires.
''Sure do!'', replied the bartender.
''Great!'', the man said. ''I'll have a Coors Light, and how 'bout a lawyer for my 'gator.''
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| Posted by Chandler on 14-Aug-2005 | Sexual HarassmentOne day a lawyer was sitting in his office and a young lady ran
in. The lawyer asked the lady what was wrong. The lady replied,
"I want to file a sexual harassment claim against my boss." The
lawyer proceded to ask the lady what happened. "Everyday my boss
comes in and says my hair smells good." The lawyer looked
confused and said, "I can't do anything for that unless you can
bring me more eyewitnesses to the incident."
The next day the lady returns with two more women. The lawyer
listened while the three ladies said the same story as the day
before. "I'm sorry ladies, but I can't do anything about this
situation. Is there any more information you haven't told me?"
asked the lawyer. The three ladies looked at each other for a
second and then replied at the same time, "He is a midget."
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| Posted by Lauren Prescott on 14-Aug-2005 | No LawyersIn Bakersfield, California, developers of the Fairway Oaks community
designed their dream homes to have 5 bedrooms, a Jacuzzi, a backyard large
enough for an in-ground pool, and NO LAWYERS! This made attorney Tim
Liebaert so angry - he's suing. "I was very mad," said Liebaert, after
learning that his application for a new Fairway Oaks home had been
rejected because of his profession.
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():Lawyer Jokes (1384): Lawyer and a Doctor (Impaired of Hearing) |
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| Posted by cUtEeWiTaBoOtY05 on 14-Aug-2005 | Lawyer and a Doctor (Impaired of Hearing)A lawyer and a doctor (both impaired of hearing) were riding a bus in New
York, and here's an excerpt of the conversation they were having:
L: So you mentioned that you sue people all the time?
D: Yes, sewing is part of my job.
L: In that case I can give you my card, I could be useful to you.
D: Sorry we do only livers.
L: But I am alive, dont you think I qualify?
D: But you look fine to me, and I don't see a reason to cut you?
L: Well, I could sue you for saying that. I am kind of sensitive.
D: Where did you learn that, I thought you spend most of your time in
court?
L: That's what they teach us to do in court.
D: So do you have a nurse to assist you?
L: Actually the nerds taught us a lot back in school.
D: I think I really learned something today. My station has arrived, I will
see you again.
L: Perhaps we should switch our jobs, from what I learned today.
D: Didn't I tell you before that we stitch only livers.
L: Do you mean I am dead? Look I am really losing my patience.
D: You are deaf too, well I think then we are friends.
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():Lawyer Jokes (1384): New Jersey Landfills vs. California Lawyers |
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| Posted by Tanya N. Boyce on 14-Aug-2005 | New Jersey Landfills vs. California LawyersWhy does New Jersey have more landfills, and California have more lawyers?
New Jersey had first pick.
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| Posted by Vegitto on 09-Aug-2005 | PlumberA pipe bursts in a lawyer’s house, so he calls a plumber.
The plumber arrives, unpacks his tools, does mysterious plumber type things for a while, and hands the lawyer a bill for $600.
The lawyer exclaims, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a lawyer!”
The plumber replies sympathetically, “Neither did I when I was a lawyer.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by darknutz on 09-Aug-2005 | Cannibal RoastTwo ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a large meal.
"Your wife makes a delicious roast, "The chief said.
"Thanks," his friend said. "I'm gonna miss her."
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| Posted by CrazyBaby on 11-Aug-2005 | Conflict of InterestHaving lawyers create laws is like have doctors create diseases!
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| Posted by Will F. Murray on 14-Aug-2005 | God & A LawyerQ: What is the difference between God and A lawyer?
A: God doesn't think of himself as a lawyer.
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| Posted by Kathyren M. Williams on 14-Aug-2005 | Why Promise the Truth?In every single sex scandal that there is, in any court case that is, you
always have to promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth. One of them obviously has to be lying, so what's the point?
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