A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie.
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly."
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.
The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka.
She gets the glass but asks him "Boris, why do we only need one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are on top of a mountain when a genie appears infront of them. "You may all have one wish." says the genie. "But, whatever you wish for you will land in once you jump off the cliff."
The Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts "GOLD!"
The Scotsman jumps off the cliff and shouts "WHISKEY!"
The Irishman goes to jump of the cliff, trips over a rock and says "Oh Shit!"
Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork up his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork up your ass?"
The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a Genie came oozing out. He said, "I am a Genie, I can grant you one wish. And I said, "No Shit!"
One day, Josh went over to Ben's to have a look at the small yacht he was selling. Ben had it on dry land because it had a small gash in its keel. But other then that, what a fine yacht it was....a mahogany deck, the latest in navigational gears, including a state of the art fish-finder. Ben wanted just $5,000 for it and assured Josh he would even have the keel repaired himself.
Well, Josh needed time to think it over so off he went fishing. He took his small aluminum boat out into the bay and it wasn't 5 minutes later, when he got his first bite. He pulled his line in and found he had caught a nice-sized cod. As he was taking the hook out, the fish spoke to him:
Fish: "Please release me, let me go. I am the last of my species and if you put me back in the water, I will grant you a wish."
Josh thought for a second and then said, "I wish this here small boat of mine, was a small yacht just like Ben's."
The following day, Josh was found clinging to a buoy after the small yacht he was fishing in, sank from damage to its keel.
A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.
The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered.
The wife said, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes...one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife." I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?" to which she responded, "Three years." The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" to which she responded, "31 years old." The genie then asked, "How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"
An old man takes his grandson fishing on afternoon. After 15 minutes of fishing,ol grandpa takes out his flask of wiskey and starts drinking. His grandson ask's,"Can I have some Grandpa?
"Can your dick touch your ass?" he replies.
"No"
"Then you're not old enought,sit down"
Another 15 minutes pass and grandpa takes out his Camel and starts to puff away. His grandson ask's "Can I have some of that gramps?"
"Can your dick touch your ass?"
"No"
"Then you're not old enought,sit down."
Feeling bad the little boy sits down and starts to eat some chocolate chip cookies that he brought along.Grandpa sees these cookies and ask's,"Can I have a cookie?"
"Can your dick touch your ass?"
"Yeah"
"Then go fuck yourself cause grandma made these for me."
There were two guys fishing in a boat. And they haven't caught anything all day. Suddenly the one pulls up a old lamp and wipes it off. Out comes a genie. The genie says " I will give you one wish what will it be?" So the guy says turn the whole lake into beer. Poof the lake is beer. The guy turns to the other and says so what do you think of that, the other guy says "I think your a fucking asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.
One day two men were fishing, when a Game Warden slipped up on themand asked
to see their fishing licences.One of the men took off running in . So
the warden started chasinghim. He ran after the man up and down the
side of the river, thru the swamp,up the side of a mountain, the man swam across the
river with the warden right behind him . Then he swam back across the river with the warden still right behind him.Finaly after about three miles of chasnig the game warden caught up with the man, bleeding and out of breath the warden asked to see his fishing licence. The man reached in his pocket and pulled out his licence and
handed it to the warden.And the warden asked why did you run? The man just looked at the warden and smiled and said the other guy didn`t have his licence.
Two hunters were walking through the woods. one of them fell down and grabbed his chest like he was in great pain. His friend had a cell phone with and called the operater. He said, I need help, i think my friend is dead. She said calm down I can help! first, make sure he is dead. The operated waited, and then heard a gun shot. He came back on the phone and said, now what?
