A man goes into a bar, sits down, and looks at the drunk guy next to him. he asks the drunk if he wants to see something amazing; the drunk says yeah, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny grand piano and a little man who proceeds to play beethoven, bach, etc... the drunk is severely impressed and asks the guy where he got the little man; he tells him that he found a genie one day in africa and was granted 3 wishes for setting it free from it's bottle. the drunk asked him what else he wished for and received the answer" nothing; it's a fucked-up genie". the drunk asked if he could borrow the genie for a few minutes...the man said no...it's a fucked-up genie! the drunk pulled out his wallet and offered the man a thousand dollars to let him borrow the genie for five minutes and the man reluctantly agreed with the admonition that it was a fucked-up genie. the drunk walked outside the bar with the genie's bottle and there came a huge blast of light...the drunk came back in followed by a large flock of baby ducks, looked at the man and said " you're right; that is a fucked-up genie...i wished for a million bucks and got a million ducks"!! the man looked at the drunk and said " i told you it was a fucked-up genie; do you REALLY think i wished for an eight-inch pianist?"
There were 3 guys on this island. They find a magic lamp and rub it. The Genie Comes out and says I'll grant you each one wish, so the first guy says I want to go home to my wife and my kids. So he goes back home. The second guy says well I also would like to go home to my wife and kids. So he goes back home. The third guy says well I'm not really sure. 20 minutes later he comes back and says I know what I want! I want my 2 friends back!
There was a man walking on the beach and he found a genie lamp. The genie popped out and tol him he could only have one wish because he had been granting wishes all day and was getting tired. The genie said think real good and hard then let me know. So the man thought for a little while then he said, I won't a bridge from hear to Hawaii so I can just drive there instead of flying. The genie said no way, that would take way to long. The genie said think of another one. So he thought real good and hard and said ok. I want the key to figure out a woman. The genie said, where did you want that bridge to go to.
There was this guy he walked into a bar. He told the bartender he wanted a beer. Well he noticed that the bartender had quite a body on him. He says to him"Im not trying to sound gay but you have a muscalar body but such a little head why is that?"
The bartender had been asked this question before he says to me "one day" he begins. I was walking through the woods and I got lost and then from beyond a tree I heard a voice and it was saying" help me" I looked around and couldnt find anyone then I heard it again "help me" well I looked down a seen a frog The frog asked me to kiss her and she said"I will turn into a beutiful genie" I looked around and seen nobody was around so I kissed her and there she stand naked and beutiful she told me that I had three wishes She asked me what my first one would be. I said I want to have a body like arnald swarnegger so she muttered a spell and poof I stand there body build and everything I took my clothes off and she says to me your second wish I said I want to make love to you by the lake here and she said poof your wish is granted they lay there for hours making love and then after we are done she said to me you know you still have one more wish. I said "How about a little head"
There were 3 men stranded on an island. they all went in search of life when they came across a bottle. they rub the bottle and poof, out comes a geanie. alright you got one wish each the geanie said. the first guy said i want to be back home with all my family and friends and poof he was gone. then the second guy said id like to be back home with all my friends since i have no family. then the 3rd guy said well i have no family or friends so i wish for the other 2 guys to come back.
A man walks into a bar and he sees a guy with a foot long liter. he asks "the man where did he get it?" the guy "replies there is a lamp by the lake rub it and the genie in it will grant you one wish." So the man runs to the lake finds the lamp rubs it and asks for a million bucks when he gets home there is a million ducks. He goes back to the bar and told the guy what happened. The guy replies" You think I asked for a footlong bic?"
A ship was travelling over a rough sea when all of a sudden a violent storm broke out.
The people on the boat were extremely scared of being thrown overboard so they all went downstairs. When the big waves started throwing the ship around there were still three people on deck who refused to go downstairs.
After a few hard knocks the ship was turned upside down and sank. The only survivors were the three guys who stayed on deck who washed up on a deserted island.
The next morning the guys decided that they would have to live together in harmony and they made an agreement to be friends.
Two days later after the three guys had built a shelter and found some fresh water and fruit, a bottle washed up on the shore. One of the guys walked up the beach and brought the bottle back to the shelter for the others to see.
Blaze, the smartest of the three said they should open it. Jay, the strongest of the three grabbed the bottle and pulled at the cork wedged tightly in the top, but couldn't open it. So Blaze grabbed the cork as well and they pulled together, but it still wouldn't budge.
Finally, Joel the weirdest, oldest guy grabbed hold of the cork and they all pulled together.
Suddenly the cork flew of into the air followed by a shroud of smoke. When the thick smoke began to clear, there stood a huge Genie. The Genie said, "I am the mighty Genie of the bottle and to thank you little humans for setting me free I will grant you each one wish."
Blaze, the smartest of the three said straight away, "I want to be back home running my own University and every will see how smart I really am."
Jay, The strongest of the three thought for a second and said, "I want to be back at home running the worlds largest gym and everyone will see how strong I really am."
Joel, the weird old guy sat on the beach for a few hours thinking and eventually fell asleep. When he woke he saw the huge Genie and jumped to his feet with fright.
"Old foolish man I grow impatient, make your wish soon or suffer my wrath", said the Genie.
The old man was scared, but angry at the Genie for talking to him so rudely and said "You shouldn't talk to elderly folk like that! I wish my friends Blaze and Jay were here to kick your fat arse then you'd be sorry!"
Then with a puff of smoke the Genie was gone and then Blaze, Jay and Joel sat together in the sand.
Three guys were stranded on an Island. one was named justin, one timmy, and one eric. the men came across a genie's lamp and wished to go off the island. the genie agreed but said you must bring me one piece of fruit by this time tomarrow. they agreeded and came back with fruit. the first man brought a bananna and the genie said if i can shove this up your ass without you making any noise, you can leave. so the genie started and the man laughed half way up. the genie said "why did you laugh?" the man said it tickled. the second guy, timmy, brought back grapes. the genie started and with one grape left timmy busted up laughing and the genie said "why did you laugh?" and timmy said " beecuase i just saw eric coming around the corner with a watermelon.
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"
A Wisconsinite, a Minnesotan, and an Iowan were walking along the beach, when they spotted an old lamp half buried in the sand.
The Iowan bent over and picked it up, and began to rub the sand off of it.
As he did so, a genie popped out of the lamp, and said "I'll give you three wishes, one for each of you."
The Iowan said, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Iowa."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, "FOOM" the land in Iowa was forever made fertile for farming.
The Wisconsinite was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Wisconsin, so that no one can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, 'POOF, there was a huge wall around Wisconsin.
The Minnesotan says, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, and nothing can get in or out."
