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| Posted by JAMIE E. LONGMAN on 14-Aug-2005 | Alternative Lyrics : Something Something
Something in the way it fails,
Defies the algorithm's logic!
Something in the way it coredumps...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this problem somehow
Somewhere in the memory I know,
A pointer's got to be corrupted.
Stepping in the debugger will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'm too close to leave it now
You're asking me can this code go?
I don't know, I don't know...
What sequence causes it to blow?
I don't know, I don't know...
Something in the initializing code?
And all I have to do is think of it!
Something in the listing will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this tonight I vow!
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():Computer Jokes (1330): I Just Knew I Was In Big Trouble At Work When.. |
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| Posted by John R. Beard on 14-Aug-2005 | I Just Knew I Was In Big Trouble At Work When.....the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.
...the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work
area.
...my assistant began responding to my memos with, "Yeah,
whatever."
...I got a "It's for you loser" wav receiving e-mail, & not
a chime.
...my new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend.
...the Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest
record.
...the Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract.
...I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived
at work.
...my parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster.
...my secretary sez things like "Get the phone, my nails
aren't dry."
...three people began helping me write a "desk manual" for
my job.
...the LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10
minutes.
...a large paper recycling box was placed next to my file
cabinets.
...the receptionist began saying "Who ???" to anyone calling
on me.
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| Posted by barry K. tanishi on 13-Aug-2005 | Computers of the future in the past'Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.' --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,1949
'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.' --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
'I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year.' --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
'But what ... is it good for?' --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
'The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible.' --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
'If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this.' --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M 'Post-It' Notepads.
And by far the best of all...
'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' -- Bill Gates, 1981
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| Posted by Leif on 14-Aug-2005 | Run/Dos/RunC:\run
C:\run\dos
C:\run\dos\run
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| Posted by Evan Lemoine on 14-Aug-2005 | Bill Gates Joke 1Why does Bill Gates drive a car with 1 wheel?
Because he prefers a Hard-Drive!
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| Posted by Rob L. Matthews on 14-Aug-2005 | The Blonde Ebay BidderA blonde and red head were sitting at a table having lunch.
Their conversation turned to Ebay. "I really like to use Ebay."
Said the Red Head. "I bid on it everyday."
"Well I hate Ebay!" Says the blonde.
"Why?" asks the Red head.
"Because I always raise a bidding paddle, and scream numbers at
the computer, But it never hears me.
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| Posted by Angel S. Pecherskaya on 14-Aug-2005 | Christmas videoMy friend at school made a video:
His mom walked into his room with some wrapping paper and
covered his computer, which was still on, with it. She screamed
to him, "Max! It's Christmas! Come open your present!" He walked
into the room, half asleep, and walked up to the computer,
ripped off the paper, and screamed, "It's the same damn
computer!"
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| Posted by Julia A. Lundberg on 14-Aug-2005 | Jack And JillJack and Jill have been married for many years they have gone up
and tumbled down that very hill for many years too. One day Jill
started to go up the hill by herself and while Jack was going up
she would tumble down by herself. Jack got really frustrated and
decided to confront Jill about something he had discovered, he
said,
Jill I know you have been cheating on me with Fill, thats why
you keep going up that hill without me.
Jill turns to Jack and says, Thats not why i stopped going up
the hill with you Jack.
Jack: It is'nt?
Jill: no no no silly, its just that Fill said he could only bear
to take so much of you during the days that he coudnt possibly
take you in the nights too.
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| Posted by Nathan J. Boy on 08-Aug-2005 | No More Nerds AllowedA truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying
"NERDS NOT ALLOWED--ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living.
The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling.
The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long.
The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said.
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway.
He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure." said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em.
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| Posted by jesse d. stojan on 14-Aug-2005 | If Bill Gates Was Jewish-Your computer would automatically shut down on Friday evening till
Saturday night.
-On the calander it would say what time you need to light the candles.
-Your computer would alert you if there is some unkosher food in your
house.
-Instead of the optional languages: English, French or Spanish, it would
be: Yiddish (cuz Hebrew is a holy language, religious ppl don't want to
talk Hebrew unless it's for a prayer).
-Depending what time of day it is, your computer desktop wallpaper would
be the text of the prayer needed to be said at that time of day.
-The year would change in September-Rosh Hashana
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